the eternally damned french knot

 It is midday on Sunday. My shift today is 3pm – 12am, and I am preparing myself as per the Taj Grooming Standards. I began on the French Knot almost an hour ago.

 My first mistake was assuming that once I had triumphed, it would never torment me again. I remember gleefully walking into work a few weeks ago and announcing that I had got it in one go that morning. Never again would the French and their damned hairstyle reduce me to nervous hissy fits in the bathroom.

 Oh, how I was so wrong. Today it has been pinned and unpinned no less than five times, much to the amusement of my room mate Olga. She is cooking Russian food on the stove, and there is a sharp incongruity between her homely scents wafting out from the kitchen, and my angry curses echoing in the bathroom.

 Praise the Lord! It is finally done, and she assures me that it looks good. And so we have:

 England: 1
 France: 0

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grooming standards

Grooming at the Taj must be impeccable. Rules and regulations covered two sheets of paper. Here is a sample:

• Hair: “should be neat, pinned back, and no ponytails allowed (I am now a master bun maker!).”
• Fingernails: “should be well maintained and clean. If applied, nail polish should cover the entire nail with no gaps or chips visible. Nails should not be chewed.”
• Hand Jewellery: “must be conservative and elegant. Only two rings are permitted, one on each hand. Rings should be sober, watches should not be flashy.”
• Footwear: “should always be well polished and in good repair. Flat shoes are not permitted; there should be a minimum heel of 1.5 inches (bloody hell!).”
• Toenails: “should be cut short and maintained clean.”
• General Jewellery: “only one set of earrings, not to be dangling. Two thin bangles, one thin neck chain.”
• Make up: “basic makeup is mandatory. A foundation should be used to avoid an oily look (doesn’t do a thing for sweat …); lipstick should be of a matte finish and sober colour; eye shadow should be subtle; eyeliner should be thin, straight (ha!), and applied neatly.”
• Uniforms: “must be immaculate. Saris should be pinned neatly (getting there …), and the hem should not be frayed. The navel must not be visible. Name tags should be shining and prominently displayed.”
• General Hygeine: “perfumes and deoderants should be mild and used sparingly. Legs and hands (!) should be waxed regularly. Teeth should be stain-free with no bad breath; a mouth freshener must be used before coming on duty. Body weight should be within prescribed limit (that’s the end of Indian sweets).”

We are to look, as the Learning and Development manager told me, more groomed and professional than a Jet Airways air hostess. Such stipulations illustrate how seriously the Taj Group treats its success, so I am happy to comply.

Here is my attempt!

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